Cosmic blog

There has been a tension building in me lately between body and mind, brought on assuredly, by my lack of yoga. I wonder: have others noticed I’m not around the studio as much? Will Laurie and Lisa think I take my Karma Club Membership for granted? Do people think I’m losing interest in yoga? What makes me believe I could ever dedicate enough time to yoga to become a teacher?

My body is not concerned with these thoughts at. It sees the yoga mat bag in my car, which has somehow found its way to the trunk of late where I see it less often, and looks at it like a dog forlornly staring at her leash on a hook, waiting to be taken for a walk. I tell my body to settle down in the desk chair and it sighs in response, while my mind says, “Not today. Not enough time. Maybe tomorrow.”

I know I’ve been putting other things before my body’s health: socializing, class, on-campus extra-curriculars. I’ve been replacing the blissed-out yoga buzz with frequent dosages of caffeine…I tell myself that it’s okay because it’s just chai, not soda or coffee. All of the roles I play at school are nice, I get to feel important, but my body is left feeling unfulfilled, anxious and in knots.

I miss those moments where I find space in a joint that’s never been there before or find for the first time that arm balances are within my reach. Every class I come to—no matter how much time has lapsed since the previous one—I know I’ll experience one of those discovery moments. I miss waking up and discovering which muscles are sore, the promise of growth. I miss seeing all of the faces I know and love at the studio and being their class mate…not just the girl who signs them in on Saturdays.
I know how healing yoga is, but giving myself the right to enjoy it every day—to make it that much a priority is an ongoing balancing act that demands I push against the other areas of my life that tug on my shirtsleeves incessantly. To build up my practice to prepare for teacher training will require that I sacrifice other interests, but I know when I do, my body, mind and spirit will be at peace with one another.

By Katie Muat,

Karma Club Member and Cosmic Blog Editor-in-Chief

Katie’s Blog